I’ve been in a funk.

Ahhh Monday. The perfect day to “start fresh” after a weekend of eating more nachos than one should eat in an entire year, drinking like you’re back in your first year of uni, and procrastinating every single adult responsibility. Or maybe the perfect day to “start fresh” after a week, or two weeks, or maybe months of being lazy, or of having a bad attitude, or of carrying on with that disgusting habit you’ve been trying to kick starting every Monday since you can remember. If you ask me, all of this “starting fresh” stuff can be just another way to think about the things that you once again have yet to fix or figure out. Yes, I’m talking about my own experience here.

I’ve been in a huge funk. And no, not so huge that I haven’t been able to get my ass off the couch or stop watching all 8 seasons of Full House on loop for the sixth time because somehow Uncle Jesse might make me feel better, but just a big enough funk that it’s worth writing a blog post about.

Being a uni student isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it definitely isn’t as bad as all the memes make it out to be when you stop and compare it to the real adult world that lies (very closely) ahead of you. Think about it. You get to live in an apartment by yourself, or with your best friend, or your sister, doing anything you want, going anywhere you want, and most importantly, not having to live with the fear of your parents coming home and catching you STILL on the couch watching Netflix while the dishwasher hasn’t been emptied. These years can definitely be stressful, but if you’re lucky, your parents are still there to help you out the entire time, both financially and emotionally. So you basically get all of the adult perks without all of the adult responsibilities.

Now, you can see why one might be hesitant to ever want to leave this beautiful situation they have going on. I used to cringe at people who seemed to never leave school, screaming at them in my head, “HOW CAN YOU LIVE LIKE THIS FOR LIKE EIGHT YEARS AND COUNTING??????”. But now I get it. Uni is the dream, honestly. But at some point, everyone has to think about what they really want. For some, that genuinely is to continue to broaden their horizons and learn as much as humanly possible. For others, that is to get a degree, and get the hell out of there before they ever have to fill out another opscan sheet again. For some, that is to get an education in the field that they are passionate about and that they were made for. And for others, that is completely unknown.

So why exactly am I in this so-called “funk”, you ask? It’s because I relate mostly to that last scenario. I am so lucky and grateful to have been given an amazing life in which my parents have allowed me to have the most amazing opportunities and have made me into a dreamer who believes that I can have everything I want and more. But what I am not as grateful for is my indecisive ass that doesn’t know what it is that I want. Or that I want MOST, I should say. Long story short, I’m all over the place. I’m a psychology student, which already means that I probably don’t know what I’m going to do with my degree, cause what actually CAN you do with a psych degree??? (asking for a friend). Add on top of that, the completely un-psychology-related dreams I have of living in a big city, planning weddings, or being a beauty guru, wearing trench coats and sipping lattes at new coffee shops that never run out, and you have something that makes even less sense. But WAIT. Then, add in my natural tendency to be a home-body who can’t stand more than one day without contact with either of my sisters, let alone move across the country, and can cry on cue just because I’m probably already crying anyway over something I made sentimental but definitely didn’t need to be.

Having the weight on your shoulders of having to figure out the next step you’re going to take, when it’s so far from clear, sucks. And yes, I know I could have worse problems, I don’t need to be reminded of that. But I’m going to complain anyway.

In a perfect world, I could have like 5 different careers and spend my twenties in the city of my dreams while also living at home where everything is comfortable at the same time (seriously, has NO ONE invented that yet???). But sadly, this isn’t a perfect world, and I have some seriously adult decisions to make, like yesterday. But instead, I’m going to make some tea and sit in a pretty looking bath in the hopes that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows can erase all traces of the Monday blues.

xx Jenna.

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