Everything about 2018 is screaming “fresh start” for me. After spending the last three and a half years in a city that helped me grow immensely, it was time for a new adventure that would challenge me beyond the boundaries that I found myself reaching over the past year. I found myself continuing to grow friendships and accomplish things in school, but I was reaching a standstill when it came to my personal growth. I could feel myself developing dreams and visions that went far beyond my little city. I knew that even if just for a little, I had to fulfill these dreams and let them come to life.
One thing I want to stress is that just because I was reaching personal boundaries does not mean I wasn’t happy. I was extremely happy at home. So much so that it made saying goodbye excruciatingly painful. But my longing for new adventures was stronger than my desire to stay within my comfort zone. I’m not a huge fan of change, so I’m sure I would’ve been content staying in my familiar bubble of comfort forever. But I’m also sure that I would’ve lived with a huge regret. So here I am, sitting at one of the many new coffee shops I’ll be visiting, feeling more inspired than ever.
I decided that I was tired of saying “I want that life” “I wish that was me” and “I wish I could live somewhere cool”. I realized that my feet are not glued to the ground, and that most people who wanted a change in their life had to go through a bit of work and discomfort to get to it. So I went through the work of finding a place to live, applying for insurance and all that adult stuff, spending a small fortune on a one-way ticket, and completing the ultimate task of packing my entire life in a few suitcases. I went through the discomfort that comes with forcing yourself out of your safe little comfort bubble, and the discomfort that comes with saying goodbye for now to the ones you love.
But so far it has been worth all of it. Since I haven’t made any friends yet, I’ve spent more than enough time cooped up in my 24th floor apartment. But seriously, can you blame me??? (cover photo is literally my view I still swear I’m in a dream). Splurging on a place I probably can’t actually afford was so worth the extreme budgeting that I’m going to have to do, because staring out my window at the city skyline at night brings a happiness to my heart that I can’t explain. Looking out at the bright lights makes me feel all cheesy. Like I’m just a tiny ant in a huge city of other ants. That doesn’t sound very inspiring but trust me, it is.
At the same time that all of these wonderful feels are being felt, I am also more intimidated than ever. Moving to a brand new city as big as Toronto all by yourself is not one of the easier things you’ll do in life. It took months of pep talks and decisions and convincing for me to build up the courage to do this. For as long as I’ve been self-aware, I’ve been a person who always puts others first. But it’s always made me happy to think of those I love and make sure they are happy, even if it means I am less so. This is a trait I inherited from my mom, who is one of the most selfless souls I know. So making the decision to do something completely for myself, creating more work and emotional turmoil for those I love in the process, was very much out of the ordinary for me. But I knew that I deserved to put my own desires at the top of the list for once.
2017 was a year of personal growth and the year that I finally felt sure of who I am. I developed strong friendships that I hope to hold onto forever, and I felt so much true happiness. I know that 2018 is the year that things will change for me. I’ve lived a life of comfort, and I am finally putting myself in a new situation that will challenge me and teach me things about myself that I didn’t know before. New friendships will be made, old friendships will be tested, and I will be tested again and again. I will probably fall on my face more times than I’d like to, but my goal for the year is to stay motivated and inspired in every situation that challenges me. To know that there is an easy way and a hard, but more rewarding way, and to always choose the latter. To be more aware of my comfort zone and to consciously push myself out of it.
As of now, I am unemployed and have zero friends in my new city. In other words, I have every reason to crawl into bed and watch the same five rom coms on repeat and hibernate until winter is over. But if I’m going to stick to the goals that I just admitted to everyone reading this, that is not a viable solution to the situation that I’m in. So with that, I am off to hand out some resumes and maybe try to make a friend or two. Wish me luck!