September 29th, 2018
You know that feeling when you’re kind of sick, and fall is in the air, and everything is changing, and you feel all emotional and nostalgic and you miss your mom and you just want some soup? I’m not sure what the term is for that feeling, but I’ve had it all week. Since I got back to Toronto after a week at home visiting friends and family, I’ve been battling what has arguably been the worst cold in recorded history. And it’s been making me feel all the feels. I’ve been meaning to take advantage of this being a ball of emotion by writing as much as possible, but my desire to watch every movie on Netflix seems to have been greater. I say “take advantage” because I do my best writing when I’m feeling emotional, and lately, as in the last 4-ish months, I’ve found it difficult to write quality stuff for my blog like I used to. This is partially because I was really busy all summer working and doing fun things, which meant I had little time to just be alone and wallow in my thoughts long enough to write something good. Long gone are my days spent alone in coffee shops with nothing else to do but think and write. Even in times when I have been in the mood to write something for my blog, I haven’t had the motivation to finish it. I have so many documents that were started, but never posted, either because I ran out of things to say, I was too lazy to finish and edit them, or because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post some of the things I was writing because they were maybe too honest. For the most part, I was just a bit less in touch with my emotional side over the summer, which makes total sense because summer is such a happy time.
Maybe it’s the end of what was my best summer yet, or maybe it’s the feeling of change in the air as well as in my near future, or maybe it’s all just this stupid cold, but I’ve been extremely in touch with my emotions this week, and it feels kind of nice because it’s been awhile. It sometimes feels good to feel sad and nostalgic and homesick and to miss people. We’re supposed to want to be happy all the time, but I think we all (or at least all my fellow introverts) can agree that sometimes we just need to be alone, drink some coffee (or tea if you’re sick like me), and bathe in nostalgic thoughts and feel all the feels. To see, hear, or smell something that instantly reminds you of an old feeling. To be reminded of that random memory that you hadn’t thought about in awhile, and to wish you could relive it. To listen to a song that takes you to a place in the past, and long to feel that way again. To miss your dad. Your childhood room. Waking up to fresh buns when your grandma came to visit. That feeling you had while your family decorated the house for Christmas when you were younger.
Too often we get so busy that we don’t give ourselves time to feel deeply. We have places to be and deadlines to meet, so we push our emotions to the side. But all this does is makes us lose touch with ourselves. I look forward to continuing to get back in touch with myself this fall. I want to get back to writing on here more, and this season came at the perfect time for that. Fall is when I feel the most inspired. Something about the fresh, crisp air, and the changing leaves and coziness of it all makes my heart feel so much, and writing is my favourite outlet. I can’t even describe how good it feels to have taken the time to just sit and write something and actually finish it. Now excuse me while I go make my billionth cup of peppermint tea and curl up and continue my Disney movie marathon.